Phony Gorilla Mask Fools No One
by Emily Reed
Forum Novelties Men's Latex Gorilla Mask, Black, One Size https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0085G3WH4/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_nwdHybHKZJYFF
A week before Halloween, I was distressed. My parents had forced me to take my little sister trick or treating and I didn't have a suitable accompaniment costume. Since I had procrastinated for so long, I realized that the prices for costumes were going to be astronomically high. Yet, I told myself it would be worth it for the perfect costume.
I bought this mask thinking I'd be saving money (by going for a minimalist costume) but instead, I wasted $20.
The latex was cheap and I ripped off the right ear when I took it out of the bag. Then I was forced to walk around like Vincent Van Gogh, the one-ear-wonder, the entire night.
The seller called this mask "highly detailed and realistic" in the product description, but they LIED. My hair was falling out of my head and I felt as if I had aged 20 years! Thanks for adding premature hair loss to my list of insecurities! The big globs of black hair fell off as chunks into my sister's candy bag. Imagine her surprise when she got home and found out I was balding!
Also, my sister pointed out that the inside of the mouth is such an atrociously bright shade of red that it looked like I sucked on a cherry red Jolly Rancher. That's realism for ya'.
The icing on the cake was when some kid told me I was a phony. He said that I didn't look like the apes from Planet of the Apes and that I was a Walmart knockoff. I'll have you know that I'm an Amazon knockoff!
It hurt that they mislabeled me and it transported me back to 11th grade English when we were reading Catcher in the Rye. I could hear Holden Caulfield yelling at me, telling me I was a phony. It made me feel alone and isolated while my pockets were empty. The $20 I spent on that wretched mask I could have spent on half of a Planet of the Apes replica mask or 22 hot pockets to eat away my sorrows.
This mask caused irreparable damage to my self esteem and now I can't go outside without feeling anxious that someone is going to call me a phony. It was the worst $20 I ever spent.
A week before Halloween, I was distressed. My parents had forced me to take my little sister trick or treating and I didn't have a suitable accompaniment costume. Since I had procrastinated for so long, I realized that the prices for costumes were going to be astronomically high. Yet, I told myself it would be worth it for the perfect costume.
I bought this mask thinking I'd be saving money (by going for a minimalist costume) but instead, I wasted $20.
The latex was cheap and I ripped off the right ear when I took it out of the bag. Then I was forced to walk around like Vincent Van Gogh, the one-ear-wonder, the entire night.
The seller called this mask "highly detailed and realistic" in the product description, but they LIED. My hair was falling out of my head and I felt as if I had aged 20 years! Thanks for adding premature hair loss to my list of insecurities! The big globs of black hair fell off as chunks into my sister's candy bag. Imagine her surprise when she got home and found out I was balding!
Also, my sister pointed out that the inside of the mouth is such an atrociously bright shade of red that it looked like I sucked on a cherry red Jolly Rancher. That's realism for ya'.
The icing on the cake was when some kid told me I was a phony. He said that I didn't look like the apes from Planet of the Apes and that I was a Walmart knockoff. I'll have you know that I'm an Amazon knockoff!
It hurt that they mislabeled me and it transported me back to 11th grade English when we were reading Catcher in the Rye. I could hear Holden Caulfield yelling at me, telling me I was a phony. It made me feel alone and isolated while my pockets were empty. The $20 I spent on that wretched mask I could have spent on half of a Planet of the Apes replica mask or 22 hot pockets to eat away my sorrows.
This mask caused irreparable damage to my self esteem and now I can't go outside without feeling anxious that someone is going to call me a phony. It was the worst $20 I ever spent.